That Time I Ran into Jason's Car

How my marriage grew stronger through a fender-bender.

We’ve officially finished up the final edits on my upcoming book, Defiant Joy! I’m hoping that my next letter to you will include a cover reveal. My publisher, Multnomah, has gone above and beyond to make this book beautiful and I’m incredibly excited for it’s release in February.

As we edited, we trimmed or swapped out some sections, including several stories. It wasn’t because they weren’t good, but more because we found a more effective way to demonstrate our point. The following excerpt was trimmed from a chapter called Down & Up. The chapter is about how “downs” and difficulties in our lives can build us stronger, wiser, and knit our relationships closer.

I hope you enjoy this little snippet:

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One day, when my oldest daughter was in 1st Grade, we were running late for school. My husband was working from home, so he agreed to watch the little girls while we hustled out the door. As I backed down the driveway, I completely forgot that Jason’s car was behind me, just out of sight in my rear-view mirror. Upon hearing a massive crunch, I knew exactly what had happened. I pulled back into the garage and jumped out to assess the damage. It was not good. My own bumper was scraped up, but Jason’s had a dent the size of a bowling ball. I grabbed a towel and scrubbed off the black paint that had transferred from my car to his. My heart was in my throat, and now we were really late for school.

But seeing me cleaning off the dent perplexed my daughter.

“Mommy, and we going to fix it and not tell Daddy?” she asked.

I looked into her worried eyes, and realized there was a little girl inside of me even more apprehensive. My gut instinct was to cover it all up. I dearly wished it were possible to make all of this go away and avoid confession, confrontation, and consequences. But that inner urge – that deeply ingrained impulse – wasn’t because of Jason. It was because my dad would have thrown a fit. There would have been violence and yelling for hours. He might have hurt me, broken my things, and the whole family might have had to walk on eggshells for weeks.

But Jason was different.

Jason loved me.

And so, I decided to trust him.

I also decided to trust God to give my husband patience.

“No, baby,” I told my daughter. “I’m going to take you to school, and when I come back, I’ll tell Daddy the truth. He’ll be OK. He’s a really good daddy and he loves us.”

And when I came back, I did just that. Like anybody, Jason was initially surprised and disappointed, and also worried about the cost of repairs. Ultimately, he didn’t get angry, he accepted my apology, and he didn’t bring it up again to shame me. Of course, he also doesn’t park behind me anymore, which makes leaving the house in the mornings so much more convenient!

After this experience, our marriage grew stronger. I don’t just know – I feel – that I can expect my husband to be forgiving. More than that, I don’t just know – I feel – that God is at work in my husband’s heart to soften, grow, build, and strengthen him. By bringing us through this down, God has built us up.

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I hope you enjoyed this trimmed excerpt from Defiant Joy! If you did, I’m sure you’ll love the book even more. I’ll keep you posted as our publication date gets closer. Meanwhile, please feel free to share this snippet on your socials:

Besides editing, life has been a busy succession of blessings and challenges. We were able to take the girls for a short trip to the beach before school starts, and I’m working on creating an album of hymns (more on that soon!), but my vehicle bit the dust, our air conditioner broke (twice), and I accrued some unexpected legal expenses in connection with my advocacy work. If you’d like to read more about that, or support me through this, here’s my GoFundMe fundraiser.

Upcoming Events:

TGC Conference: Trauma & Abuse in the Church
Indianapolis, Indiana - September 27

The Evangelical Council for Abuse Prevention (ECAP)
Jacksonville, Florida - October 6

Empowering Teens, Youth Group Seminar
Shepherdstown, West Virginia - October 25

You Are Not Alone, Fellowship Bible Church Conference
Shenandoah Junction, West Virginia - October 28

I’ll have more information about all these events soon, so please stay tuned!

Love,

Jenn