Is Spanking Biblical?

Untangling what "spare the rod, spoil the child" really means.

The topic of child discipline is trending on X again. It all seems to have started when Michelle Leslie posted the following:

She writes, “Christian parents: Spank now, pray later. Your child needs to feel the sting of his sin to move his heart to repentance. This is the way God deals with us. Law to the proud, grace to the humble. Spank first, pray / instruct later. Pattern your parenting after the perfect Father.”

Firstly, her counsel to, “Spank now, pray later,” is unwise at best. No matter how you choose to discipline your child, prayer is a great way to lead. We should always be quick to ask God for wisdom. We should lead our children in asking the Holy Spirit to help us see our sin and enable us to repent of it. I’m afraid this advice encourages parents to act on impulse as opposed to thoughtful consideration, and that is not of God.

Secondly, her statement, “This is how God deals with us,” is completely untrue. This is not how our perfect Father deals with us at all.

God the Father sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to take the penalty for our sin. Jesus took our punishment on the cross so that we would never feel the sting of God’s wrath.

In Romans 5:6-11, Paul writes, “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”

If we pattern our parenting after our perfect Father, we’ll teach our children repentance via love, patience, and unmerited grace. That doesn’t mean we’ll never discipline them (though I’m not a proponent of spanking), but it does mean that the object of discipline is love and truth, not fear and pain.

When I was a child, my mom used to cry sometimes as spanked me. She hated spanking, but she believed that spanking was biblical, mandated by God, and the primary way Christian parents should discipline their children. Afterwards, she would tell me to apologize to her for making her spank me.

Once, at church, I remember witnessing one my friend’s mothers spanking her daughter, and then grabbing her by the hair and dragging her kicking and screaming up and down the church hallway until she got carpet burns. Her daughter (who was maybe 7 or 8) had talked back to her. That’s a clear example of child abuse, yet we thought it was “biblical.”

Theological arguments for spanking tend to hang solely on Proverbs 13:24, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” The old adage, “Spare the rod, spoil the child,” is a paraphrase of this verse.

However, if we compare this verse to Psalm 23:4 we read, “… your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

So this rod is comforting and reassuring, not fearful or painful. The “rod” is a metaphor for a shepherd’s rod which he would use to herd sheep, pull them out of brambles, and pry them out of holes.

A shepherd does not beat his sheep, let alone his lambs. And despite what that one old wives tale claims, a shepherd will not break a sheep’s leg to make it incapable of wandering off.

The only time a shepherd’s rod becomes a weapon is when he’s striking snakes, beating wolves, and fighting off predators. Subsequently, the paraphrase, “Spare the rod, spoil the child,” could be interpreted to mean that if you allow your child to be influenced and abused by bad people, you’re setting your kid up for ruination and despair.

Finally, Paul defines discipline - not as physical slaps or beatings - but as faithful and consistent training and practice in the ways of God.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 says, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”

In closing, one natural response to pain is anger. We’ve all felt that rush of adrenaline when we stub our toe or slam our finger in a drawer. Do we really want to trigger that response in our kids? Is it helpful? Does it teach?

Ephesians 6:4 entreats us, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

In other words, to discipline your child biblically is to teach them the ways of Jesus. The best way you can do that is to model Jesus yourself.