Defiant Worship
Throwing off of every burden and the sins that so easily ensnare us.
The author of Hebrews entreats us, saying, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses - of angels and believers who who have gone on before us - let us throw off every burden and the sins which so easily ensnare us, and run the race before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith.
The ESV translation says, “let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely.” The NASB reads, “let us rid ourselves of every obstacle and the sin which so easily entangles us.” And the NIV translates, “let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.”
Across all these various translations, we get the consistent concept of weights versus sins, burdens versus transgressions, obstacles versus wrongdoings. In other words, there are things in this world and in our lives that are not necessarily sinful - not necessarily morally wrong or against God’s law - but which may burden us, weigh us down, and hinder us from honoring and praising God in the way that we should. In addition to sin, we should drop these burdens and throw off these obstacles. They may not be wicked, but they hold us back.
I grew up in a very conservative church. The only instrument used in worship was a piano, and the only songs sung were traditional hymns. Only men preached sermons, led worship, or prayed in group settings. Women could pray in women’s bible studies, but when men were present, a man would pray.
All the books on the church book table were written by men. Most of the hymns in the hymnal were written by men. As a female, I was allowed to play the piano during worship, but I could not speak or lead the congregation in prayer because I was not a man.
Writing my first book, Not Forsaken, felt brazen and bold. I worried, what if men read it and learn something from me, a woman? After I signed a publishing deal with The Good Book Company, I started receiving invitations from churches to speak and share my testimony.
I was very concerned by this.
Was sharing the Gospel and my testimony as a woman a violation of 1 Timothy 2, or are Paul’s instructions in that chapter meant to be interpreted in the context of the culture and congregation he was addressing a the time?
I asked my then-pastor, “Is it alright for me to speak at churches when there are men present?”
His response was that as long as I wasn’t speaking during a corporate worship service (after the announcements and before the benediction) it was OK for me to share my testimony in a church, even on Sunday.
I have no idea whether that’s the official stance of my denomination or just that guy’s opinion, but it’s consistent with what I was taught growing up. Maybe not in words, but definitely through actions and practices.
All of these ideas were further weaponized and exacerbated by my abusive father. I was taught that “honor your father” means “pretend he’s honorable even when he’s not.” I was taught that “wives, submit to your husbands” meant “obey him even when he’s wrong, and even when it hurts.”
Ours was not to question why. Ours was but to do and then die.
Emotions were also to be repressed. Sorrow was viewed as weakness. Depression, fear, and anxiety were considered sins, even when they were the natural and understandable response to our situation or experiences. If I complained about my dad’s abuse I was “being dramatic,” “PMSing,” or “imagining things.” If I told anyone what was going on in our home I was “gossiping” or “breaking the 5th Commandment.”
These false doctrines and misinterpretations of Scripture were predominantly taught in my home, but I also heard them taught and supported at the churches we attended. Because of this, I repressed my emotions. And not just my sorrow and fear either. I also suppressed my joy, my hope, my effusive overwhelm at the glorious grace of God. All of it was shoved down and covered up because I was thought it was shameful and embarrassing to express my feelings.
Church was like a library, not a celebration.
It has taken me a long time to throw off that library mentality.
Thankfully, my husband Jason is a loving and godly man. Submitting to him is easy, because he also submits to me. Before he makes most decisions, we talk things over, consider what’s best for our children, consider our priorities and goals, and agree upon a course of action. Honoring him is easy, because he is honorable. Because I love him, I am proud of him and often brag about the wonderful husband and father he’s become. It is not compulsive obedience, or submission out of fear, but genuine adoration and authentic gratitude for him that motivates my honor and devotion.
The church we attend is also far less restrictive and repressive. Jason plays electric guitar with the band, and I often lead the congregation in singing. Sometimes, I even lead in prayer. Lately, I’ve even begun to clap during the more upbeat songs, or raise my hands in praise. Sometimes I cry. All of these things would have been out of place and looked down upon in my former churches. All of these things would have gotten weird looks, scandalized side-eyes, and maybe even “a word” from the elders.
Now, I am not saying that pianos are prudish, hymns are sinful, or male leadership is by nature oppressive. However, if we turn these things into laws that must be obeyed and enforced to the omission of all else, I fear we are hindering our praise and greatly limiting our ability to worship God well.
Deuteronomy 6:5 says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” It does not say some of your heart, or most of your soul, or with a moderate demonstration of your strength. It says all. That means I am to love the Lord and worship God - not in keeping with proper library decorum - but with my sorrow over sin, my anxiety over evil, my gratitude over his mercy, and my joy over his grace. My praise need not be conservative or calm. Sometimes it is, and that’s OK. But I can also pray with my hands raised high and sing with tears and a shaky voice.
Psalm 33:3 says, “Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy.” So, while I dearly love traditional old hymns, it’s OK - and we’re even encouraged - to write new songs and modern hymns. We can mix our new songs with our traditional ballads, and our fresh praise with our nostalgic prayers. And we don’t have to sing quietly, calmly, or shyly. We can “shout for joy,” shred on guitar, and pour out our hearts in praise.
Psalm 47:1 says, “Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.” And while we do not clap to praise the worship team or puff up the pastor, it is right and good to clap and shout and cry out to God in praise. This is quite a different worship experience than the emotionally repressed environment I grew up in, yet this is how God describes beautiful worship.
And again, none of this is to dismiss or shame more reserved modes of worship. I think that - especially when we’re focused on a somber topic or partaking in the Lord’s Supper - there is a time and a place to be quiet, calm, reserved, and somber. There is even a time to grieve. We have a whole book of the Bible entitled Lamentations, and rarely do we dare to crack it open. That should change, by the way.
But by that same token, there is also a time to rejoice, clap, and shout for joy. As the author of Ecclesiastes writes, there is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to be silent and a time to speak. This is true in our lives, and also in our worship.
And so, I am throwing off the burden of human expectations, the weight of man-made rules, and the obstacles of shame and emotional censorship. These things are not necessarily sinful, but they are not always helpful either. I will rid myself of everything that hinders, so I may run the race set before me, with my eyes fixed on Christ, for the joy set before me in his glorious home called Heaven.
My latest book, Defiant Joy, is now available at your favorite bookstore or audiobook app. If you enjoy reading my letters, I hope you’ll check it out. It’s about unraveling the false teachings that inhibit our joy, and tapping into a joy that comes only from God. I got to narrate the audiobook myself which was incredibly fun. Click the cover to learn more:
Social media preview image by Luis Quintero.
Amen and aMEN!!!!